Thursday, 9 April 2015

Traversing the Underworld and coming back out again

It's been an incredible 7 months where I have been plunged into the Underworld on a deeply personal journey of discovery. 
I was diagnosed last September with both PTSD and Complex-PTSD, 9 major traumas going back to a violent and abusive early childhood…and various situations since then, where unconscious drives (within me) have tried to resolve and heal those wounds to the psyche.

Today the cognitive behavioural therapist I've been seeing confirms I have brought myself out of PTSD, no small feat. We still haven't done an actual 'C.B.T' session yet… She lets me talk and find my own answers….it seems I have been doing my own version of a Cognitive-Awareness-Sensing-Feeling-Tracking-the-triggers-and-Changing-Behaviour Therapy all on my own. I am running so hard right now and loving it, going deeper and deeper and deeper into the unraveling.
It takes courage to dig around in the roots, and to not stop when it gets uncomfortable and icky….brutal in fact….and to be super-honest about what you find there, however dark and disowned those shadows parts may be.... 

A wise friend's insights and knowledge of various branches of psychology have been priceless in helping me put the pieces together to make new maps for myself. I have discovered and bonded strongly with an Archetypal power within myself that I didn't really have a full connection with before this…the Wise Mother/Wild Mother. 
I can recognise Trauma and Attachment Disorders in others so easily now. Breakthroughs are coming every week, like rolling thunder coming in waves. My life path has been all about (often shocking) experiential learning. 
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE is EVERYTHING. You just can't guide others if you haven't truly been there yourself.
C xo